P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
