marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
