dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
