i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
