Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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