I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
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