I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
