Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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