why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
