just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Randomize
