idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
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