I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I touched a dick in church today
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
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