girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
