i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
