A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
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you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
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It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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