11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
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