me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
so much tequila, so little girl.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
