Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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