if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
