Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
