Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
A bitchslap is in order.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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