Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
