Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
