have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
