Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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