Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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