I swear she didn't look like that last week.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Randomize
