She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
