i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
You left your phone here
Wait...
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