Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
