one two three fourrrrnication!
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Randomize
