I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
