3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
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