so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
