There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I didn't notice because vodka
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
