Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
