What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
