So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
