he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
