You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
