remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
It was a blind-side dick pic.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Randomize
