jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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