I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
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No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
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I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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