At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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