I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I've blown a few things in my day
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Randomize
