his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
