Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
