I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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