You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
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