I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
so let's talk penis.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
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