WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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