I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
