How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
True strength comes from lack of pants
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
