i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
