At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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