the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Girls should come with a carfax report
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
