So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
