can we get nightvision for the apartment?
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
