I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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