the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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