Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
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