i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Randomize
