I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
i wish my penis had a tongue
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
