I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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