I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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