remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
