dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Randomize
