before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
