is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
