I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
