My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
