I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
