Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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