please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
