Betty ford says i'm here all night
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
