I wish I could punch you in the face.
You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
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