I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Randomize
