I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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