I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
